It’s Friday, it’s sunny, and in between bouts of selectitis I’m writing the UKFast blog. What could be better? Now I realise that most of the time here, I’m either attacking or generally moaning about all sorts of technical things. Not today! Today I shall speak of some of the wonderfulness of modern computers.
Good thing one: Loading speed. Back in the old days, I had to wait for about ten years to load up Paradroid on my Commodore 64. Now everything loads up super quick, and there’s no time to make a cup of tea whilst your PC boots up and loads everything you need. Which is good, because I hate tea. On the other hand, I’m not really allowed to play Paradroid at work. So it goes: for every reaction, an equal and opposite reaction.
Good thing two: Optical mouses. Yes, the plural of computer mouse is computer mouses. At least I think it is… to be honest I don’t want to check that, because then I’ll know what an idiot I sounded like every time I referred to mouses. Optical mouses are great because you never have to pop out the ball and clean off all the dirt from the rollers, and because they make a cool-looking red glow and at a push can be used to temporarily blind unexpected assailants.
Good thing three: Flat screens. When oh when will Daz learn that cathode ray tubes belong back in the fifties with all the black and white people? Flat screens are great because they provide extra space on your desk, which you can utilise to store your Fruit Corners, plastic meerkats and Etch-a-Sketch pens.
Good thing four: Internetification. This has got to be the best thing. Now that broadband means that we no longer need to endure ‘loading Paradroid on your Commodore 64’ style delays in accessing the web, we can look up anything just like that. In fact, asking non-work-related questions of your colleagues is almost obsolete. Soon we won’t have to talk to each other at all, we’ll just glare and shine the light from our mouses in each other’s eyes. Progress!